wish you were here

dear jacs,

i dreamt about eric last night. the whole dream wasn't about him, just the end. you always listened to my weird dreams before; why should now be any different?

so, the beginning of the dream, at least the first part i remember, is being at a hotel with wrenn and farron. there was something we had to do, some mission to be completed. our mother told us to be sure and stay out of the woods themselves, to only stay in the clear areas, because there was something dangerous out in the trees. we went out to the woods, but stayed in clearings, making out way deeper into the woods via a series of clearings and bridges over a lake. i don't know what happened once we got to the center of the woods, but suddenly we were running back the way we'd come with a guy in tow. when we got past the last bridge, the guy kept saying we should take a shortcut through the trees, but i wouldn't go or let the girls go. i remembered what our mom had told us. i insisted we stay on the cleared path back to the car, and that if he didn't like it he could take his shortcut and see how it panned out. me and the girls headed for our car and then back to the hotel. our mom called us, and i was able to talk to her a little bit (though i kept dropping the phone for some reason), tell her that whatever baddies were around had my friend charlie (and i had some kind of flash vision where they were torturing him). i asked farron to close the blinds so no one could look inside our room, then i noticed that the door wasn't closed. i went to lock it, but it wouldn't lock. the locks just kept slipping loose, leaving the door slightly ajar. wrenn called the hotel office, but they told her we'd have to call a locksmith to fix it. i got angry and told her to call them back and tell them to call the locksmith or move us to another room

then things changed (probably because i woke up for a second without realizing it), and i was in a conference room area and jason mraz was performing, finishing up a concert. i wanted an autograph so i went to get a paper and pen from my mom and grandpa, then i came back to get in line for an autograph. but the line was actually just for leaving the room and going out into the lobby. jason mraz was already gone. lora mocked me for wanting an autograph since she didn't think the concert was good (she's looney apparently). as i was walking back through the lobby to our room, i saw eric sitting with a group of people. i went up to talk to him, gave him a hug. he told me they were just finishing up a lecture and then going to glee club practice (which was both funny and weird because eric was in a wheelchair with a broken foot). after their lecture finished we talked for a bit, both of us having moments of starting to say something and then stopping, not sure what to say or how to say it. there was a girl there, and she and eric were dating. i told eric i was in town for renfaire with wrenn and farron, which seems like that would make it about a year from now since renfaire's in the fall, but i was still surprised that he was seeing someone else. we all went outside, and while eric was talking with some other friends, his girlfriend and i talked. she even gave me a hug (which didn't feel that weird or off-putting). she was v. chatty, never stopped talking in fact, but she seemed nice and really cared about eric. she said she had four kids and they all loved eric (big surprise considering how nice he is, especially to kids), and then she talked about her ex, who i suppose was a big jerk though i lost most of the details due to her motormouth and my inattention. that was when i woke up.

weird, huh? while that chick was nice, she was also a bit exhausting to be around. while i know it would probably be good for eric to move on, i can't really imagine him with anyone else, especially not someone so talkative. you guys were perfect together. you were my litmus test for my future relationships. i was counting on your advice, your vetting of any potential boyfriends for me. you were the #1 person on my list of who a man would have to be approved by to be in a serious relationship with me. now my #1 spot is empty. i still have wrenn and farron, and mom, of course, and lacy and kim and tiffany and other people, but you're the one who know me the best, the one i would've trusted even if you'd told me the guy i was seeing was totally wrong for me.

i miss you, friend, so much it aches.

--jens